Ancient wisdom reveals 4 rituals that will make you happy

Ancient wisdom reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyAncient wisdom reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyAlright, youve probably read a zillion articles about happiness online and youre bedrngnislage a zillion times happier. What gives?Reading aint the same as doing.You wouldnt expect to read some martial arts books and then go kick ass like Bruce Lee, would you? All behavior, all changes, must betrained.The ancientStoicsknew this. They didnt write stuff just to be read. They created rituals - exercises - to be performed to train your mind to respond properly to life so you could live it well.FromThe Daily Stoic 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the species of LivingThats why the philosophers warn us bedrngnis to be satisfied with mere learning, but to add practice and then training. For as time passes we forget what we learned and end up doing the opposite, and hold opinions the opposite of what we should. - Epictetus, Discourses, 2.9.13-14And whats fascinatin g is that modern scientific research agrees with a surprising amount of what ansicht guys were talking about 2000 years ago.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moraOkay, kiddo, time to rummage through the Stoic toolbox and dig out some simple rituals you can use tobe much happier.So lets say life decides to suplex you and youre feeling 32 flavorsof badeanstalt. Whats the first thing in the Stoic bag of philosophical tricks to improve how you feel- and help you make better choices in the future?Ask, What would I recommend if this happened to someone else?besucherzahlen is terrible. Your friend is driving. He leans onthe horn, punchesthe steering wheel, and shouts at the other drivers. Youre like,Jeez, calm down. Why you getting so worked up? Chill.The next day traffic is terrible butyouredriving So, of course, you lean onthe horn, punchthe steering wheel, and shout at the other driver s.See the problem here, Sherlock? We all do it. But theres a lesson to be learned that the Stoics knew a few millennia agoWhen something bad happens, ask yourself, What would I recommendif this happened to someone else? And then dothat. Youll probably be more rational. And its harder to ignore the advice - because its your own.FromA Guide to the Good Life The Ancient species of Stoic JoyIn his Handbook, Epictetus advocates this sort of projective visualization. Suppose, he says, that our servant breaks a cup. We are likely to get angry and have our tranquility disrupted by the incident. One way to avert this anger is to think about how we would feel if the incident had happened to someone else instead. If we were at someones house and his servant broke a cup, we would be unlikely to get angry indeed, we might try to calm our host by saying Its just a cup these things happen. Engaging in projective visualization, Epictetus believes, will make us appreciate the relative insignificanc e of the bad things that happen to us and will therefore prevent them from disrupting our tranquility.Slick advice. Does it work? When I spoke with Duke profDan Ariely, author of the bestsellerPredictably Irrational, he said pretty muchthe same thing. He called it taking the outside perspective. Heres DanIf I had to give advice across many aspects of life, I would ask people to take whats called the outside perspective. And the outside perspective is easily thought about What would you do if you made the recommendation for another person? And I find that often when were recommending something to another person, we dont think about our current state and we dont think about our current emotions. We actually think a bit more distant from the decision and often make the better decision because of that.The Golden Rule says do unto others as you would have them do unto you. In honor of the Stoics, Im going to suggest that when something gets you worked up you should follow The Toga Rule a nd Do unto yourself what you would recommend to others.(To learn the 6 rituals that ancient wisdom says will make your life awesome, clickhere.)Alright, youre following The Toga Rule when life goes sideways. But some reactions are hard to squelch. You have bad habits. We all do. So what do the Stoics have on their Batman utility belt to deal with bad habits?Turns out they were way ahead of their time on this oneUse the discipline of assentTheres usually a moment - however brief - when youdecide to give in to an impulse or resist it. You have a choice. But you agree to act out that script youve performed a 1000 times, even though it always has lousyconsequences.The Stoics were big on not getting carried away by thoughts and feelings. The discipline of assent is to feel that impulse, that desire to do something you know you shouldnt, and not give in. But, as you know, that isreally freakin hard.Epictetus thought the key welches that moment when youre deciding. Catch yourself when yo ure about to actand justpostpone. You dont have to grit your teeth andbe a willpower superhero yet. Just pause and think.InDiscourses and Selected WritingsEpictetus saidDont let the force of an impression when it first hits you knock you off your feet just say to it, Hold on a moment let me see who you are and what you represent. Let me put you to the test.And modernresearch into breaking bad habitssays the same thing. First, catch yourself in the act, and thenpostponeThose in the postponement condition actually ate significantly less than those in the self-denial condition The result suggests that telling yourself I can have this later operates in the mind a bit like having it now. It satisfies the craving to some degree - and can be even more effective at suppressing the appetite than actually eating the treat It takes willpower to turn down dessert, but apparently its less stressful on the mind to say Later rather than Never. In the long run, you end up wanting less and also c onsuming less.Great, you resisted. But its gonna happen again So how do youbreakbad habits? You dont.Youreplacethem.InDiscourses and Selected WritingsEpictetus saidWhat aid can we find to combat habit? The opposed habit So if you like doing something, do it regularly if you dont like doing something, make a habit of doing something different.And recent science says the exact same thing. Dont try to eliminate replace.FromThe Power of Habit Why We Do What We Do in Life and BusinessWe know that a habit cannot be eradicated - it must, instead, be replaced. And we know that habits are most malleable when the Golden Rule of habit change is applied If we keep the same cue and the same reward, a new routine can be inserted.(To learn the science of breaking all your bad habits for good, clickhere.)Alright,clearing out the bad is good. But just taking out the negative doesnt necessarily increase the positive. Because youwant. Youwantandneedandcrave. Enough isnever really enough because we all eventually take things for granted and then find new, even shinier things to needHow can you stop running on this treadmill of desire and finally justbe happy with what you have? Stoics to the rescueMake it a treatThe Stoics understood just howmiserable runaway desire can make you. In his bookEnchiridion, Epictetus wroteHe is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.And, frankly, the Stoic response to this was prettyextreme. To make themselves appreciate the things they had, these guys would deliberately contemplate losing everything they loved. Theyd think about death. A lot. Theyd deprive themselves of every pleasure to force themselves tostop taking things for granted.FromThe Daily Stoic 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of LivingHeres a lesson to test your minds mettle take part of a week in which you have only the most meager and cheap food, dress in shabby clothes, and ask yourself if this is rea lly the worst that you feared. - Seneca, Moral Letters, 18.5-6And research shows doing thatreallyworks. But it aint any kind of fun. Luckily, there is a less painful way to get similar resultsWhats something you used to relish that you now take for granted?Did that first morning cup of coffee used to be a wonderful moment - and now its just something you hastily gulp down? Well, skip it for three days.This isnt merely something old dead guys recommend. When I spoke to Harvard professorMike Nortonhe said this is how youcan regain an appreciation for the things that youve taken for granted. Make them a treat. Heres MikeIf you love, every day, having the same coffee, dont have it for a few days and then when you have it again, its going to be way more amazing than all of the ones that you would have had in the meantime Its not give it up forever. Its give it up for short periods of time, and I promise you youre going to love it even more when you come back to it.And then, once the t hree days are over, oh man, SAVOR that coffee - or whatever it is that youve denied yourself. Yes, the Stoicswantyou to deeply enjoy it. They werent a bunch of joyless bores and they werent like Spock from Star Trek. They didnt believe in being unemotional they just foughtnegative emotions.The Stoics believed in living in the present moment so you could enjoy life more.FromThe Daily Stoic 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of LivingIts ruinous for the soul to be anxious about the future and miserable in advance of misery, engulfed by anxiety that the things it desires might remain its own until the very end. For such a soul will never be at rest - by longing for things to come it will lose the ability to enjoy present things. - Seneca, Moral Letters, 98.5b-6aAnd, yes,sciencebacks up Stoic savoring. When youre focused on the present and turn your attention to the pleasurable experience in front of you, youre happier.ViaHappiness Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychol ogical WealthThe key component to effective savoring is focused attention. By taking the time and spending the effort to appreciate the positive, people are able to experience more well-being.Deprive yourself a bit - then savor the hell out it. This is how you can stop wanting and start enjoying what you have.(To learn the 4 Stoic secrets to becoming mentally strong, clickhere.)Now its time for the big one how can you make sure your life keeps getting better? Or, put another way how can you make sure youre getting better at life? Not making the same mistakes, always learning and improving so that every day is better than the one before? Toga-truth to the rescueDo an evening reviewAnnual reviews at work dont do much for happiness. But the Stoics were big fans of reviewing your day so that you can improve your life.FromThe Daily Stoic 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of LivingI will keep constant watch over myself and - most usefully - will put each day up for r eview. For this is what makes us evil - that none of us looks back upon our own lives. We reflect upon only that which we are about to do. And yet our plans for the future descend from the past. Seneca, Moral Letters, 83.2But does reflecting on your actionsreallymake a difference?Yup. When bestselling authorDavid Epsteinlooked at what makes great athletes great he found that the magic word was reflection.They think about what theyve done and ask themselves if its working.HeresDavidWhen they do something, whether its good or bad, they take time for reflection. They asked themselvesWas it difficult enough? Was it too easy? Did it make me better? Did it not? It sounds simple and sounds facile, but I think we dont do it.Anevening ritualwhere you reflect on what you did that day is critical. Seneca, one of the heavy hitters of Stoicism saidthisWhen the light has been removed and my wife has fallen silent, aware of this habit thats now mine, I examine my entire day and go back over what Ive done and said, hiding nothing from myself, passing nothing by. For why should I fear any consequence from my mistakes, when Im able to say, See that you dont do it again, but now I forgive you.Ask yourself what you did wrong today. Ask yourself what you should have done that you didnt do. Now you know how you can improve tomorrow. But dont beat yourself up. Be like Seneca and forgive yourself. Have someself-compassion.Did you procrastinate today?Research shows that itsforgiving yourself- not beating yourself up - that preventsyou from continuing to put things off.And dont just be critical of yourself. Think about what you did well so you can repeat it tomorrow. Be grateful for the good that happened today. Yes, Stoicism gives the thumbs up to gratitude. Marcus Aurelius believed in counting your blessings.FromThe Daily Stoic 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of LivingDont set your mind on things you dont possess as if they were yours, but count the blessings you actually possess and think how much you would desire them if they werent already yours. Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 7.27Andwriting those blessings downbefore you go to bed is one of the most scientifically proven methods for boosting happiness.(To learn more happiness tips from ancient philosophy, clickhere.)Okay, youve earned your toga. Time to round up everythingyou now have in your Stoic bag o tricks and learn the ancient technique for getting along with other people so wecan allbe happySum upHeres what Stoicism says will make you happierAsk, What would I recommendif this happened to someone else?Take my advice by taking your own advice.Use the discipline of assentDont resist postpone. Then evaluate. And break bad habits by replacing them.Make it a treatDeprive and then savor.When you cant find a bathroom and then you finally do,thats happiness.Do an evening reviewReflect. Forgive. Count your blessings. Show gratitude. (Yes, you can even begrateful for bloggers who read l ots of books so you dont have to.)If you want to be happy, relationships are key. But all too often we focus on whatothersshould be doing forus. Thats a prescription for frustration.One of the most fundamental principles in Stoicism is that you need to focus on what you can control. And you cant control other people. (Okay, maybe you can but those methods result in significant jail time.)The Stoics knew that youcancontrol whatyoudo. And very often, that will affect how others treat you.Senecaput it very simplyIf you would be loved, love.Yes,sciencebacks that up.But reading aint the same as doingSoshowsomeone you love them today. Its the Stoic thing to do.Join over 320,000 readers.Get a free weekly update via emailhere.This column first appeared at Barking Up the Wrong Tree.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that w ill double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong peopleAncient wisdom reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyAlright, youve probably read a zillion articles about happiness online and youre not a zillion times happier. What gives?Reading aint the same as doing.You wouldnt expect to read some martial arts books and then go kick ass like Bruce Lee, would you? All behavior, all changes, must betrained.The ancientStoicsknew this. They didnt write stuff just to be read. They created rituals - exercises - to be performed to train your mind to respond properly to life so you could live it well.FromThe Daily Stoic 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of LivingThats why the philosophers warn us not to be satisfied with mere learning, but to add practice and then training. For as time passes we forget what we learned and end up doing the opposite, and hold opinions the opposite of what we should. - Epictetus, Discourses, 2.9.13-14And whats fascinating is that modern scientific research agrees with a surprising amount of what these guys were talking about 2000 years ago.Okay, kiddo, time to rummage through the Stoic toolbox and dig out some simple rituals you can use tobe much happier.So lets say life decides to suplex you and youre feeling 32 flavorsof bad. Whats the first thing in the Stoic bag of philosophical tricks to improve how you feel- and help you make better choices in the future?Ask, What would I recommend if this happened to someone else?Traffic is terrible. Your friend is driving. He leans onthe horn, punchesthe steering wheel, and shouts at the other drivers. Youre like,Jeez, calm down. Why you getting so worked up? Chill.The next day traffic is terrible butyouredriving So, of course, you lean onthe horn, punchthe steering wheel, and shout at the other drivers.See the problem here, Sherlock? We all do it. But theres a lesson to be learned that the Stoics kn ew a few millennia agoWhen something bad happens, ask yourself, What would I recommendif this happened to someone else? And then dothat. Youll probably be more rational. And its harder to ignore the advice - because its your own.FromA Guide to the Good Life The Ancient Art of Stoic JoyIn his Handbook, Epictetus advocates this sort of projective visualization. Suppose, he says, that our servant breaks a cup. We are likely to get angry and have our tranquility disrupted by the incident. One way to avert this anger is to think about how we would feel if the incident had happened to someone else instead. If we were at someones house and his servant broke a cup, we would be unlikely to get angry indeed, we might try to calm our host by saying Its just a cup these things happen. Engaging in projective visualization, Epictetus believes, will make us appreciate the relative insignificance of the bad things that happen to us and will therefore prevent them from disrupting our tranquility.Sl ick advice. Does it work? When I spoke with Duke professorDan Ariely, author of the bestsellerPredictably Irrational, he said pretty muchthe same thing. He called it taking the outside perspective. Heres DanIf I had to give advice across many aspects of life, I would ask people to take whats called the outside perspective. And the outside perspective is easily thought about What would you do if you made the recommendation for another person? And I find that often when were recommending something to another person, we dont think about our current state and we dont think about our current emotions. We actually think a bit more distant from the decision and often make the better decision because of that.The Golden Rule says do unto others as you would have them do unto you. In honor of the Stoics, Im going to suggest that when something gets you worked up you should follow The Toga Rule and Do unto yourself what you would recommend to others.(To learn the 6 rituals that ancient wisdom says will make your life awesome, clickhere.)Alright, youre following The Toga Rule when life goes sideways. But some reactions are hard to squelch. You have bad habits. We all do. So what do the Stoics have on their Batman utility belt to deal with bad habits?Turns out they were way ahead of their time on this oneUse the discipline of assentTheres usually a moment - however brief - when youdecide to give in to an impulse or resist it. You have a choice. But you agree to act out that script youve performed a 1000 times, even though it always has lousyconsequences.The Stoics were big on not getting carried away by thoughts and feelings. The discipline of assent is to feel that impulse, that desire to do something you know you shouldnt, and not give in. But, as you know, that isreally freakin hard.Epictetus thought the key was that moment when youre deciding. Catch yourself when youre about to actand justpostpone. You dont have to grit your teeth andbe a willpower superhero yet. Jus t pause and think.InDiscourses and Selected WritingsEpictetus saidDont let the force of an impression when it first hits you knock you off your feet just say to it, Hold on a moment let me see who you are and what you represent. Let me put you to the test.And modernresearch into breaking bad habitssays the same thing. First, catch yourself in the act, and thenpostponeThose in the postponement condition actually ate significantly less than those in the self-denial condition The result suggests that telling yourself I can have this later operates in the mind a bit like having it now. It satisfies the craving to some degree - and can be even more effective at suppressing the appetite than actually eating the treat It takes willpower to turn down dessert, but apparently its less stressful on the mind to say Later rather than Never. In the long run, you end up wanting less and also consuming less.Great, you resisted. But its gonna happen again So how do youbreakbad habits? You dont.Y oureplacethem.InDiscourses and Selected WritingsEpictetus saidWhat aid can we find to combat habit? The opposed habit So if you like doing something, do it regularly if you dont like doing something, make a habit of doing something different.And recent science says the exact same thing. Dont try to eliminate replace.FromThe Power of Habit Why We Do What We Do in Life and BusinessWe know that a habit cannot be eradicated - it must, instead, be replaced. And we know that habits are most malleable when the Golden Rule of habit change is applied If we keep the same cue and the same reward, a new routine can be inserted.(To learn the science of breaking all your bad habits for good, clickhere.)Alright,clearing out the bad is good. But just taking out the negative doesnt necessarily increase the positive. Because youwant. Youwantandneedandcrave. Enough isnever really enough because we all eventually take things for granted and then find new, even shinier things to needHow can you stop r unning on this treadmill of desire and finally justbe happy with what you have? Stoics to the rescueMake it a treatThe Stoics understood just howmiserable runaway desire can make you. In his bookEnchiridion, Epictetus wroteHe is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.And, frankly, the Stoic response to this was prettyextreme. To make themselves appreciate the things they had, these guys would deliberately contemplate losing everything they loved. Theyd think about death. A lot. Theyd deprive themselves of every pleasure to force themselves tostop taking things for granted.FromThe Daily Stoic 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of LivingHeres a lesson to test your minds mettle take part of a week in which you have only the most meager and cheap food, dress in shabby clothes, and ask yourself if this is really the worst that you feared. - Seneca, Moral Letters, 18.5-6And research shows doing thatreallyworks . But it aint any kind of fun. Luckily, there is a less painful way to get similar resultsWhats something you used to relish that you now take for granted?Did that first morning cup of coffee used to be a wonderful moment - and now its just something you hastily gulp down? Well, skip it for three days.This isnt merely something old dead guys recommend. When I spoke to Harvard professorMike Nortonhe said this is how youcan regain an appreciation for the things that youve taken for granted. Make them a treat. Heres MikeIf you love, every day, having the same coffee, dont have it for a few days and then when you have it again, its going to be way more amazing than all of the ones that you would have had in the meantime Its not give it up forever. Its give it up for short periods of time, and I promise you youre going to love it even more when you come back to it.And then, once the three days are over, oh man, SAVOR that coffee - or whatever it is that youve denied yourself. Yes, the Stoicswantyou to deeply enjoy it. They werent a bunch of joyless bores and they werent like Spock from Star Trek. They didnt believe in being unemotional they just foughtnegative emotions.The Stoics believed in living in the present moment so you could enjoy life more.FromThe Daily Stoic 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of LivingIts ruinous for the soul to be anxious about the future and miserable in advance of misery, engulfed by anxiety that the things it desires might remain its own until the very end. For such a soul will never be at rest - by longing for things to come it will lose the ability to enjoy present things. - Seneca, Moral Letters, 98.5b-6aAnd, yes,sciencebacks up Stoic savoring. When youre focused on the present and turn your attention to the pleasurable experience in front of you, youre happier.ViaHappiness Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological WealthThe key component to effective savoring is focused attention. By taking the time and spend ing the effort to appreciate the positive, people are able to experience more well-being.Deprive yourself a bit - then savor the hell out it. This is how you can stop wanting and start enjoying what you have.(To learn the 4 Stoic secrets to becoming mentally strong, clickhere.)Now its time for the big one how can you make sure your life keeps getting better? Or, put another way how can you make sure youre getting better at life? Not making the same mistakes, always learning and improving so that every day is better than the one before? Toga-truth to the rescueDo an evening reviewAnnual reviews at work dont do much for happiness. But the Stoics were big fans of reviewing your day so that you can improve your life.FromThe Daily Stoic 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of LivingI will keep constant watch over myself and - most usefully - will put each day up for review. For this is what makes us evil - that none of us looks back upon our own lives. We reflect upon only that which we are about to do. And yet our plans for the future descend from the past. Seneca, Moral Letters, 83.2But does reflecting on your actionsreallymake a difference?Yup. When bestselling authorDavid Epsteinlooked at what makes great athletes great he found that the magic word was reflection.They think about what theyve done and ask themselves if its working.HeresDavidWhen they do something, whether its good or bad, they take time for reflection. They asked themselvesWas it difficult enough? Was it too easy? Did it make me better? Did it not? It sounds simple and sounds facile, but I think we dont do it.Anevening ritualwhere you reflect on what you did that day is critical. Seneca, one of the heavy hitters of Stoicism saidthisWhen the light has been removed and my wife has fallen silent, aware of this habit thats now mine, I examine my entire day and go back over what Ive done and said, hiding nothing from myself, passing nothing by. For why should I fear any consequen ce from my mistakes, when Im able to say, See that you dont do it again, but now I forgive you.Ask yourself what you did wrong today. Ask yourself what you should have done that you didnt do. Now you know how you can improve tomorrow. But dont beat yourself up. Be like Seneca and forgive yourself. Have someself-compassion.Did you procrastinate today?Research shows that itsforgiving yourself- not beating yourself up - that preventsyou from continuing to put things off.And dont just be critical of yourself. Think about what you did well so you can repeat it tomorrow. Be grateful for the good that happened today. Yes, Stoicism gives the thumbs up to gratitude. Marcus Aurelius believed in counting your blessings.FromThe Daily Stoic 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of LivingDont set your mind on things you dont possess as if they were yours, but count the blessings you actually possess and think how much you would desire them if they werent already yours. Marcus Au relius, Meditations, 7.27Andwriting those blessings downbefore you go to bed is one of the most scientifically proven methods for boosting happiness.(To learn more happiness tips from ancient philosophy, clickhere.)Okay, youve earned your toga. Time to round up everythingyou now have in your Stoic bag o tricks and learn the ancient technique for getting along with other people so wecan allbe happySum upHeres what Stoicism says will make you happierAsk, What would I recommendif this happened to someone else?Take my advice by taking your own advice.Use the discipline of assentDont resist postpone. Then evaluate. And break bad habits by replacing them.Make it a treatDeprive and then savor.When you cant find a bathroom and then you finally do,thatshappiness.Do an evening reviewReflect. Forgive. Count your blessings. Show gratitude. (Yes, you can even begrateful for bloggers who read lots of books so you dont have to.)If you want to be happy, relationships are key. But all too often we f ocus on whatothersshould be doing forus. Thats a prescription for frustration.One of the most fundamental principles in Stoicism is that you need to focus on what you can control. And you cant control other people. (Okay, maybe you can but those methods result in significant jail time.)The Stoics knew that youcancontrol whatyoudo. And very often, that will affect how others treat you.Senecaput it very simplyIf you would be loved, love.Yes,sciencebacks that up.But reading aint the same as doingSoshowsomeone you love them today. Its the Stoic thing to do.Join over 320,000 readers.Get a free weekly update via emailhere.Related postsNew Neuroscience Reveals 4 Rituals That Will Make You HappyNew Harvard Research Reveals A Fun Way To Be More SuccessfulHow To Get People To Like You 7 Ways From An FBI Behavior ExpertThis column first appeared at Barking Up the Wrong Tree.